I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
