i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
