I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
