Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
