you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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