...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
