We're facebook friends in real life
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
