You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
