I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
