you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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