Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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