you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
