i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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