So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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