May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
