dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
