this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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