I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
