margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
