There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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