remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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