The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
