Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
