sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
