he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
