I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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