I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
