Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
