so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
