I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
