I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
