When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They have beer where we have blood.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
