youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
