I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
FUCK WHALES
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
