worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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