please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
