Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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