Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
as a side note pls kill me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
