i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
