I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
