TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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