Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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