Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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