I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
