i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
where are my eyebrows?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
