My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
