Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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