im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
