Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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