When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
