Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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