I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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