is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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