Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
