i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
