At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
