my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
