and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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