Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
