Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
