Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
