before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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