Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I could make wine with my vomit
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
