That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
