I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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