i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
