yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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