If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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