just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Randomize
