My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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