I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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